Dear mom

To all the Mom’s, Mum’s, Momma’s, Mommy’s, Madre’s,….Mother’s-to-be && to our Mother’s-Mother’s, Thank-you,

Sorry for all the things I said behind your back. for the times i claimed i hated you. for the billions of rules i broke. for doing what you said not to && going where you didn’t want me to go. for hurting you. for not being what you wanted me to be. sorry that i’m not a nurse or a doctor or a teacher. sorry that I’ve brought home a lot more C’s then A’s. Know that I didn’t mean it. know that i try. know that i think you’re the most beautiful person i’ve ever known. know that i think you’re crazy(but that crazy can be good) know that i miss you. know that I’m nothing like you. know that I’m everything like you. know that i may not like you all the time but i love you, always. 

Thanks for the 9 months of morning sickness you put up with, the swollen feet, the stretch marks…

Thank you for kissing every scratch && bump && making everything better

Thank you for every swimming lesson, dance class, practice, competition…

Thanks for knowing we like our sandwiches cut into triangles, NOT squares

Thank you for helping us study for every test, for those late night home work sessions at the kitchen table,

Thank you for every birthday party, every sleepover…

Thank you for the dozens of Barbies, && for those ridiculous Furbies & Tamagatchi’s we thought we needed to have…  

Thank you for being taxi driver, therapist, teacher, friend, chef, maid….

Thank you for standing up for me when I was right && not putting up with me when I was wrong

Thank you for sticking by me those times I almost got suspended..&& that time I DID

Thanks for telling me I was beautiful when I wasn’t (don’t lie, no one looks good with braces)

Thanks for pretending to like those boyfriends (I knew all along you didn’t..)

Thank you for NOT kicking me out on my ass when I was at my worst.

Thank you for knowing i needed to find out for myself how much of a loser that guy was…

Thanks for keeping your cool when I got a tattoo && told you about it through email…4 separate times.

Thank you for knowing when I need help even when I won’t admit it…

Thank-you for everything you’ve done && everything you do

Thank-you for doing it because you want to, not because you have to

For all those things, && millions && millions more. Thank you.

YOU :)

you're perfect.. 

... because everything you do

makes me smile (:

... because every second spend with you 

is worth while (:

... because when you laugh at me

I laugh too (:
... because everyone else can see
that I'm devoted to you (:
... because I love your eyes
and the way they shine (:
... because you don't tell lies
and you're so cute when you whine
... because when you get mad
you can't hide it 
... because when you're said
I can find it 
... because the way you hold me
sends shivers down my spine
... because your spirit's so free
and you're so damn  fine
... because I never stop thinking about you
it's not fair
... because you are just perfect
and no one else who compare (:

<3 

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

IS WRONG WITH ME?!

Life is moving on too quickly. People are proving that they can no longer be trusted as much as she had once thought. Her feelings are tossed around like they don’t mean jack. She feels betrayed and let down, ignored and silenced, judgement and ridicule, anger and emptiness. She no longer loves the things she used to. She’s changed completely. She is standing up more, but clamping up more, living as though she is free but is hiding one big secret of her life. She feels that she can’t trust no one, and that they wont listen or care. She is fragile, she just wants to be understood. She doesn’t know how to express her feelings. She chickens out of getting help. Every time. No fail. She doesn’t know why she even bothers. She feels as though no one cares. She is so lost and insecure. She just wants to hide and be alone. She likes the darkness or night, but hates that she can’t see. She feels as though she is judged every time she moves an inch, if she does her work, or if she does nothing. She is over trying. She is over trying to please everyone. To be perfect. To be the best. To be herself. To be accepted. She couldn’t even care anymore. She just wants it all to end. And at times she knows that if she just holds on, tomorrow might be a better day? But when is there ever a day where nothing goes wrong?